A few weeks ago I learned that My Aunt's health was in decline due to the return of her Cancer. My wife and I made two trips up to Northwest Indiana to visit her. One visit she was alert & the other she was in Hospice in her final days. She was a very private person and wanted her passing to be very low key with not many people knowing so of course we all respected that.
When she passed I was sad and also sad for my Father who was by her side for at least 3 years battling this horrible disease. They were not only brother & sister, they were like "buddies". As the Memorial & Burial were being planned, my sister mentioned that my Dad wanted me to give the Eulogy . I did stress over it but was able to get it written and delivered it proudly to those in attendance.
The Memorial service was on a Monday so our plan was to drive up on Sunday, spend time with my Dad & Sis and try and swing by my Mom's and see her as well. For some reason I have family that don't want to spend any time with me and give every excuse on why "they can't make it". It makes me sad with one main reason that I work two jobs that aren't typical 9-5 gigs. I have projects related to those jobs as well that keep me busy every week at 70+ hours not to mention traveling for them.
If I can make time to find someone to watch our dogs, make the 2.5 hour trip to Northwest Indiana, spend the $100 in gas then there has to be some give on the other end.
As I was stressing over writing the Eulogy on that Sunday morning I jump on Facebook & learn that my Godmother was in Indianapolis to visit. She has two kids that live out here that know how to get a hold of me, she has my number and not one attempt was made to contact me. I would never expect anyone to do what I do to make a visit happen but knowing there was a chance in a public setting when folks were "out & about" when she was here that I could have dropped by to say hello and I was denied, really hurts. It hurts even more as My Aunt had just passed, I was sad and worried about my Dad & the rest of my family and it would have been a nice shoulder to cry on if only for a few minutes.
Heading North on that Sunday I tried to call my Mother to set up a visit with her and she had a few reasons of "being tired", "not in a good mood", etc. I respect that and I still love her but that started to hurt as well. I didn't want to give her the news over the phone so I told her I would just try the next day (after the Memorial service).
Monday after the Memorial Service & Lunch we tried again to "swing by Crown Point" to see my Mom and she said she "had plans". Did I cry? Yes I did. Was I still looking for another shoulder to lean on? Absolutely! I am bad at calling and checking in on the family, sadly I am and I am working on that. But I would think being able to see me in person would trump the rest. Spending time in person catching up, grabbing a bite to eat or whatever would be awesome. I know if any of my family came to Indy, I would do EVERYTHING in my power to spend that precious time together.
Maybe I am the one that is wrong, maybe my basic expectations of the family dynamic is just way off base. Or is it??
Happy Easter to Everyone and ALL of my Family..
